My Favorite Color

When I was five years old, I remember being asked what my favorite color was.  I was in the car riding home.  I cannot remember who was with me, who asked the question, or why I have this unusually vivid memory of a simple question, but I do remember my answer.  As we passed down an old barn that had been converted into a preschool that was painted a maroon, I said "red".  Red was my favorite color.  loved the color of firetrucks and finger paints.  The red I loved was the color of circles on a Twister mat, and of strawberries in June.  I was certain of this fact, that I loved the color red.

When I started Kindergarten, I was asked by teachers and classmates what my favorite color was.  I was the only girl in my class that said her favorite color was red.  Why was I so alone for having this opinion?  Why were there only boys that agreed with my affinity for this beautiful color?  All the girls loved pink, purple and blue.  I felt obligated to conform.  Red became in my mind a boy's color, so why should I, a girl, like it?  My new favorite color became purple, because as a girl, it was the right thing to do.  

Us girls were told at a young age which colors we should like.  My parents were obviously not going to try to make me find a new favorite color.  It is something so simple and nearly meaningless, but if it was completely meaningless, would I remember it so clearly thirteen years later?  Why did I feel the pressure to conform and agree with my female peers and choose purple as a new favorite color?

As a girls, we were told to have these opinions and to love these "girl" colors.  We were taught to not love a color such as red.  Red was the color of firetrucks.  It was the color of blood, the blood that flowed when boys jumped off the swings and scraped their knees.  

The boys were not afraid to jump off the swings, even if it meant their knees might become scraped up.  I wanted to jump off the swings too, but I was afraid.  I was not afraid of scraping my knees or getting hurt.  I was not afraid of being different from my friends.  I wanted to show them I was fearless, but I could not.  I was afraid of what the teachers would think.

The teachers expected the girls to be an example.  The girls had to be well behaved in order to set an example for the boys.  They had to uphold the behavior that was expected of the class.

The boys were jumping off swings, climbing up slides, and standing on the monkey bars.  The girls stood by and never did because we were the role models.  We were symbols of what children were supposed to be like, right? Or by standing aside, not participating in adventure, deciding to choose purple as a favorite color over red, were we carrying out hundred year old stereotypes about girls not being able to break out from their assigned gender roles?

My Anti-Bucket List: Things I Really Could Go Without

People invest a lot of time into thinking about their bucket lists.  My personal bucket list contains activities like travelling to Paris and London (again), dying my hair an unusual color (just once), and going to a Red Sox game.  These are all perfectly attainable and I hope to do so at some point, but that will take time.  I could sit here and plan out my bucket list, but everyone does that.  Instead, here is my anti-bucket list.  This is a list of experiences I have not yet had and would be perfectly content with going without for my entire life.

1. Get into a Car Accident
Everyone gets into a car accident at some point in their lives.  My car has been hit four times and I was only in the car during one of them, but all incidents were minor and in parking lots.  I have never been in a major car accident and I would love to never be involved.  The sad part of this is that it is almost inevitable.  Statistically speaking, it is going to happen.  I just hope that when it does, it will be something that causes very little damage and does not harm me or anyone else.

2. Get a Tattoo
I have expressed my feelings towards tattoos many times.  I have friends and family with tattoos and while I love them, I hate their tattoos.  I have never cared for them and I would not mind going the rest of my life without one.

3. Own a Dog
I am a complete cat person.  Dogs completely disgust me and I find them annoying as well as putrid.  I do not find them cute or appealing at all.  I would love to go the rest of my life without ever owning a dog (sorry future kids).

4. Go See a Horror Movie
I hate horror movies with a passion.  Out of politeness, I will watch horror movies with my friends if they decide it is what they want to watch, but if I can avoid them, I will.  My first horror flick was "The Silence of the Lambs" (required for a psychology class) and I was unable to walk around my house at night without being completely petrified for an entire month.  I will never go to a movie theater and pay money to become terrified.

5. Cheat on Someone
No matter how unhappy I am in a relationship, I will never cheat on anyone.  There is nobody that deserves that kind of heartbreak and I will certainly never be the person to cause that much hurt.  I would have the decency to end a relationship before pursuing another person.

6. Go on a Cruise
I would feel pretty trapped on a boat with hundreds of strangers, relying on a floating hotel to take me around the ocean.  Being reliant on Dramamine and the company of strangers at every corner?  No thank you, please.

7. Ride a Roller Coaster that Goes Upside-Down
During the summer of 2012 I rode my first "real" roller coaster, meaning that there was no height maximum and it was not penguin-themed.  I tried it and felt very proud of myself.  All it did was go up and down, but it was fast and very scary.  I will never ride a roller coaster that goes upside-down.  I hate roller coasters because I am proudly that boring friend that will pay forty dollars to enter the park and only go on the merry-go-round just so she can spend time with her friends.

8. Ride/Drive a Motorcycle
Motorcycles scare me because I fear that a reckless driver is going to hit the bike.  I will never drive a motorcycle or be a passenger on one.  No matter how much faith I have in the machine or the driver, I will not be able to trust ignorant motorists that do not know how to handle being on the road with motorcycles.

9. Shoot a Gun
I could never picture myself shooting a gun because the sight of guns scares me a little.  I would love to go the rest of my life without picking up a gun or shooting it.  I have no problem with hunting--I'm from Vermont, I am so used to everyone doing it.  I have nothing against gun ownership for the purposes of hunting, but I could never feel comfortable being the one handling the gun.

10. Hook Up With Someone Random
Whether you define a hook-up as a make-out or as something more, I assure you that I will never do it.  I cannot comprehend how people go out or go to parties, meet someone, and then hook up with them.  I do not understand why random make-outs happen and I will never completely understand the concept of a one-night-stand.  I would never do this because I cannot separate emotion from these acts.  It might just be me, but I do not approve of going about affection in this way.

11. Get Addicted to a Television Show
I have certain shows that I love, and I will certainly watch the entire series (looking at you, "30 Rock" and "Parks and Recreation").  I will watch them in their entirety when the series is cancelled or it ends.  I do not have the time or interest that is required to watch a show religiously, tuning in every week.  If I missed one, I would probably have some major F.O.M.O.  Therefore, I will watch entire seasons of a show at a time, but I will not watch the show when it plays on a weekly basis.

12. Go to Antarctica
One of the items on many bucket lists is visiting all seven continents.  Where I live, -20 is not an unheard of temperature.  I hate being cold and there is nothing that could ever make me want to go where it is any colder than a Vermont winter.

So there it is, my anti-bucket list.  Things I could easily go without for the rest of my life.  Enjoy my lack of ambition, or rather, my decisiveness towards what I certainly do not want to do.

How to Stay Single: Guaranteed Results

Something I have become increasingly talented at in the past few months is being single.  I watch all my friends find boyfriends and get young men to chase after them while I sit at home and do homework.  They wonder aloud why I am not in a similar situation with suitors lining up at the door.  Why do I not have boys constantly falling in love with me?  Why am I not wanted so badly by all the hot bachelors on campus?
To answer the pressing questions on everyone's minds, I am single because I follow these wonderful steps to guarantee my continued lack of a relationship.  If you want to stay single, even if you are allegedly "pretty", "funny", or "smart" according to your friends, then I have the advice for you.

1. Do Not Party/Drink
In college, your peers all drink and go out to parties.  They want to loosen up and have a good time.  This is strictly advised against if you do not want a relationship.  If you want to stay single, stay sober and in your room.  Read a book or write a blog instead of going out and dancing on strangers with your water bottle of vodka.

2. Dress Conservatively
All those cardigans your grandmother gave you for Christmas will not be wasted if you want to be single.  Wear these with tank tops that are high enough to cover your entire chest; the higher, the better.  Pair this with jeans that are slightly faded, but most certainly not skinny or dark-wash.  Wear your hair in a banal fashion and apply minimal makeup.  Your natural face is the way to go if you do not want anyone after you.

3. Do Not Talk to Any Guys
Avoid talking to any young man that is not your gay best friend or brother.  If you do not socialize with members of the opposite sex, you will not find a boyfriend among them.  If you avoid these creatures at all costs, then you will most likely be safe from the danger that is having a significant other.

4. Wear Your Glasses
Glasses are so overrated.  Everyone thinks the look is coming back with hipster fashion becoming so popular.  Glasses are actually boy-repellent.  Wear your glasses and avoid wearing contacts whenever possible, because it is better to be immediately written off as a nerd than to be immediately documented in a young gentleman's mind as an attractive, available female.

5. Avoid Eye Contact
Nothing sparks relationships more than making eye contact.  Eye contact leads to smiles.  Smiles lead talking.  Talking leads to relationships.  To completely ensure your single status, be sure to avoid any guy who dares to make eye contact with you.  Be sure to keep your head down at all times and only look up when you hear voices that you recognize that are trying to get your attention.  Be sure to avoid all other eyes as you respond to those people you already know.

6. Never Share Anything Personal
The more superficial you present your personality to be, the greater chance you have of never making an emotional connection with someone.  Without doing so, you will be able to prevent attraction better than the average person that makes the mistake of talking about themselves.

7. Avoid Social Interaction at All Costs
Tired of being in public and having men after you?  Tired of having your friends say that there is someone they know that would be just perfect for you?  Avoid all this troublesome nonsense and limit your social interaction not only with men, but your girlfriends as well.  The less time you spend with people, the less likely you are to find yourself permanently stuck with someone.

8. Become Unresponsive to Flirting Techniques
"You look beautiful" "Oh, thanks, I guess".  "You are very funny" "Yeah".  "We should hang out more often" "No, I'm busy then".  This one is self-explanatory.  If you do not want anyone wasting your time flattering you or complimenting you, brush that nonsense off.

I hope these techniques help you in your pursuit to stay single.  As long as you avoid people, avoid talking, and try not to look attractive, then you will most likely be lucky enough to accomplish maintaining your single status.  If for some reason you fail and accidentally find someone chasing after you, good luck with that too.  I guess it can't be the worst thing in the world.