I Do Not Consume Food, It Consumes Me

Hunger consumes every single thought.  My stomach aches, begging for something to eat.  I silence it, for ignoring it will hopefully stifle its cries.  I tried so hard to find food that was safe, but to my complaining stomach's dismay, I failed.  No dairy, beef, gluten, cane sugar, eggs, soy... the list seems to expand in my mind whenever I try to recall it.  I can never remember the complete set of culprits, these enemies that silently destroy me on the inside when they manage to infiltrate.  My eyes scan labels like tiny robots, picking up on ingredients, evaluating the amounts of allergens in relations to the food, and calculating the risk of eating them.  My lips taste orange juice mixed with mustard colored powder, taken through a shot glass and chased with warm water.   My body aches all over: back pains of the past resurfacing and fatigue taking a toll on my mental function.  My eyes are weary and barely open.  My body feels weak and there is less of it each and every day.  "You lost more weight" he says as he wraps his hand around my waist, nearly grasping my midsection entirely in his grip.  I sigh.  This time I did not intend to.  The way the numbers on the scale drop is scary.  I feel too thin, like my bone structure cannot handle walking.  I no longer allow myself to exercise.  I crave the bike.  I want to plank and feel the sweat of hard work drip off my forehead.  For now I am this skeleton of a creature I once knew, starving unintentionally.  I want food, I need food, but try as I might, I cannot have it.  Is this what an eating disorder feels like?