Dear Carter, Carmen, Caleb, and Madeline...

I have known for a very long time that I was meant to be a mom. I have a very "mom" personality as described by many of my friends.  Here at college, I am the "suite mom".  I will talk to anyone about any problem and I always have some advice to give.  I have a CVS card and know what medicines to take when, what foods to eat for any ailment, and how to listen.  I am naturally inclined towards motherhood, and I often find myself looking forward to those days.  I am definitely not ready for that life now, but I know that I will enjoy it more than anything when it is time.  I know much more about my family life future than my career future.  Because of this, I decided to write a letter to my future children.  I would like to have four kids if I can, and possibly more, but for the meantime I plan on four.  I might look back on this and say, "Wow, I can't believe I actually wanted four!" shortly after giving birth to my first, but then again I might look back and say "Wow, I thought I would only have four".  I might also be surprised to see what I include on the list and what I do not, but I am going to write it anyway.  I would like to be able to look back on it and see what I thought at the age of eighteen and hopefully my children will enjoy it.  So here it is, my open letter to my future children.

Dear Carter, Carmen, Caleb, and Madeline,
I am currently at Merrimack College.  I am a freshman and it is 2013.  I am one week away from completing the final exams for my first semester and am currently procrastinating with studying by writing this letter.  Maybe I will always procrastinate or maybe I am alright by the time you read this, but you are probably thinking to yourselves, "yeah, that's Mom".
I am writing you this letter in order to tell you a little about what I am like right now, what I want for you, and some life lessons I would like to teach you right now.
First of all, as you know, I grew up in Vermont, where Grandma and Grandpa (or whatever you call them) probably still live.  I am now at Merrimack College in Massachusetts, which is three hours, or 140 miles away from them.  I originally entered college as a Biology major, but I recently switched into Health Science with a concentration in Nutrition and a Biology minor.  My dream is to become a dietitian and work for the FDA and change the way allergens are labeled on food.  My plan is to go to graduate school in Maryland.  Who knows, maybe I will change my major and maybe I won't be living in Maryland, but for now, that is the plan.
If you are wondering about Dad, then I have no idea how to answer your questions about that.  Maybe I met him already, maybe I didn't.  He could be someone I know, or I might not meet him for a few years.  He could be living in the same building I am in right now, or he could be in Maryland.  All I know is that I look forward to meeting him, or if I already know him, to finding out just how much more he can mean to me than he does right now.
My hope for you is that you are happy.  I hope more than anything that you approve of me as a mother.  I know I will be strict sometimes, but I hope that I know how to have fun and that you love me.  I hope that when you look back on your childhood you will think to yourselves, "she really knew what she was doing".  I am sure I have trouble figuring out how to deal with some situations or how to help you, but just remember, I am learning how to be a parent just as much as you are learning how to be a son/daughter.
I hope that I am financially secure enough to send you to a Catholic school.  Catholicism is very important to me and it always will be.  Yes, I have always been that way.  I go to church every week and so will you.  My biggest hope for you is that you are sincere in your commitment to the Catholic church when you are Confirmed.  I want more than anything for you to be Catholic.  You can lose a lot in this world.  You can have no money, no friends, and no family, but you will always have the love of God.  You can be completely lonely, but you will always have Him to pray to and to help you through the hard times.  Thank Him for what you have been blessed with and always keep Him in mind.
I also hope that you follow your Catholic values and remember to treat everyone with kindness, equality, and love.  My hope is that the world you live in is much different than mine right now.  I hope racism and sexism are concepts of the past.  I hope that the world is more accepting of than it has been during my childhood and teen years.  I hope that you live in a world that has taken great strides towards equality.
Speaking of which, I would like to let you know about gender equality.  Right now, gender inequality is an embarrassment to society.  Women are depicted by the media as no more than objects of desire.  Women are seen as less competent than men, and no matter how strong a woman is in this world, she will not be taken as seriously by society as a man would be. I hope more than anything that you live in a world of complete gender equality.
Additionally, to my daughters, I want you to never feel influenced by any advertisement, magazine, or image that objectifies women.  Right now, images are photo-shopped and edited to the point where the models do not even look like themselves.  Anorexic women are made to look even thinner, and sadly, that is the concept of "beautiful" in 2013 society.  I hope that it never gets worse than it is right now.
I want to tell you right now that you are beautiful.  If you are underweight, overweight, short, tall, have the wrong hair, have unclear skin, crooked teeth, or anything you are self-conscious about, you are beautiful.  You have a brain that you think for yourself with.  You solve problems, form opinions, and I hope, speak your minds.  You are so much more than what you look like, and inner beauty means more than any physical beauty.
To my sons, please realize this.  All women are beautiful and you need to treat them with respect.  They need to be seen as equals, and it starts with your everyday life.  This means no sexist jokes, no stereotypical thoughts, and no viewing women as anything less than men.  I am sure you have been raised to always see everyone as equal, but this is just another reminder.
I would also like to speak to you all about your health.  I hope that each of you is very healthy and is doing everything in your own power to stay as healthy as possible.  Please eat healthy food (I am sure I will be able to help with that) and exercise regularly. Your health is everything: please preserve it to the best of your ability.
I would also like to take this letter as an opportunity to give you some life lessons and advice.  My life, like all lives, is a cautionary tale.  I hope you are around my age when you read this, so hopefully some of this advice is relevant.

1. Your heart will be broken.  You might be in a relationship as you read this, or you might be single.  Maybe you have experienced heartbreak already or maybe you have yet to experience it.  I thought at your age that I would be able to go through life without it, but that is simply not true.  Even if you are lucky in love, you will still have your heart broken.  You might not get into your dream college.  You might not get a part in that play.  You might make the Varsity team in your favorite sport.  That does not mean that you are anything less than absolutely amazing.  You will face heartbreak after rejection and that is a part of life.  However, I want you to trust me when I say you can talk to me about this.  You can talk to me about anything.
2. You have to work hard.  You won't be handed much in life.  It probably seems like there is always that one person who gets everything they want in life with minimal effort.  It seems that way because it is true.  Some people don't have to work hard because they are born into an easy life.  You will gain much more life experience by having to work hard for it and you will feel much more accomplished.  Life is not fair, but if you work hard, you will have a much greater chance of getting what you want.
3. Play an instrument.  Music is a way to be creative and de-stress.  It gives you a break from the world around you and by learning how to play an instrument, you will gain a fun skill. 
4. Express yourself.  Use the instrument you learned how to play to show your feelings through music.  Write a blog, like I am right now (I am aware you are probably thinking "Wow Mom, a blog? Really?").  Write down your feelings and thoughts.  Write a poem, a song, an essay, or a novel.  Draw, paint, or sculpt.  Express your feelings and give yourself an excuse to procrastinate on something that is stressing you out (just not for too long, though).
5. Take any opportunity to explore the world around you.  If you are able to travel the world, I want you to take that opportunity in order to learn more about other cultures.  Even if you are just exploring where you live.  Explore the nature around you or explore your city.  Get to know your surroundings.  You should be proud of where you came from, even if you don't want to stay there.  I am very proud of being a Vermonter, but I don't want to go back.  Be proud of your roots, but always remember to explore the rest of the world whenever possible.
6. Go to college three hours away from home.  You want to be close enough to home that if you really need to, you can come back, but you won't be home every weekend.  Also, if you get a scholarship of a substantial amount, go to that school (even if it goes against the three hour away advice).  Just don't come home every weekend.  I love you, but you need to be completely independent for six weeks before you come home.  It is one of the hardest experiences I have ever gone through at this point in my life, but I am a stronger person because of it, and I want you to do it too.

I hope this letter gives you an idea about what I want for you and maybe it helps a little with some life advice.  I know more than anything that I am a natural mom, and maybe you feel like you are meant to be a parent too.  Maybe you have that "mom" or "dad" factor, and please embrace it.  Please be nurturing, give your best advice, and do your absolute to leave the world better than you found it.  I love you.

~Mom

P.S. Here are some random quick facts about me, and I hope you enjoy them

1. I played tennis and was a cheerleader in high school.
2. I have been doing plays since I was in third grade and I have not stopped yet.
3. I went to England with Aunt Nicole when I was sixteen years old.  That is a good story, ask me about it some time.
4. I absolutely love cats.  I aim to be a crazy cat lady, so I apologize for the amount of cats currently living in the house right now if it is more than two or three.
5. I currently work at Hannaford's as a cashier and have since June 2011.
6. I am currently eating gluten free.  I have gluten intolerance, and I hope to grow out of it, but I feel healthier than ever right now due to my diet change.
7. I love chocolate but I can't stand any type of "candy" that is fruity, sugary, chalky, or sticky.
8. I am a Red Sox fan and I will always will be.  My favorite sports to watch are baseball and hockey (and I go to all the hockey games at Merrimack).
9. My favorite color is red.
10. I love science, am terrible at math, and I am proficient in writing.
11. I love to cook and bake.  I am terrible at cooking but I am usually successful with baking. I have not managed to make the perfect grilled cheese yet, but my first attempt at baking cinnamon buns was perfect.
12. I get very nervous and anxious easily, but I am working on it
13. My favorite song right now is "Iris" by The Goo Goo Dolls
14. My favorite food is sweet potato fries
15. I am an introvert and one of my favorite books is Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson.  I would like you to read it. My absolute favorite book is Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte.  Read that one too. 

P.S.S. If you have no idea what you are doing right now, neither do I.  Pray and follow your heart.  Remember, you can always talk to me.